Unexpected

This is a difficult post to write, and there’s no easy way to share this, so I’m going to dive right in. Our planned adoption of the three kiddos has fallen through.

Sesha and I never expected that this would even be a possibility. We were in it to win it, no matter what. But sometimes plans change, and God works in mysterious ways. There is at least one very clear way that we feel God has worked through this.

Here’s some more detail:

When we first started getting licensed to foster/adopt, we told our agency that the one thing we did not feel equipped to handle was serious behavior issues. We would be first time parents and taking in multiple kids. We were willing to take on a lot, but we simply didn’t feel equipped to handle that.

Fast forward to us first learning about our three kiddos. All three had ADHD, but they were wonderful kids, we were told. But while that was mostly true, it wasn’t the whole story.

The two younger kids had problems with coping mechanisms. Whenever they wouldn’t get what they wanted, they would lash out in anger. Items got thrown across the room and broken, holes got kicked in our walls, and the kids would hit and kick us to the point of needing to be restrained. The youngest would also act out by purposefully putting himself in danger just because he knew we didn’t want him to.

There was also a safety concern. On separate occasions, each of the two younger kids threatened to kill Sesha. One of their therapists even recommended that we lock up our knives. I don’t think the kids would have done anything on purpose, but when their switch got flipped, they were not in control of themselves.

It was usually small things that led to these behaviors. A kid couldn’t find the watch that he wanted, he couldn’t shower in the bathroom that he wanted, or he couldn’t ride on his bike when it was time to leave for church.

We tried pushing through to see if it was just an adjustment period. There were several small victories, but our agency told us that we needed to be prepared for these behaviors to possibly last several years, until the kids essentially grew out of it.

About halfway through the kids’ time with us, we learned why they seemed to be acting out in such an extreme way with us, but they hadn’t at their previous foster home (Actually, they had acted out, but the previous foster mom told us that she had not reported everything). The middle child opened up that there had been abuse – physical & emotional – happening in that home. Now that the kids were with us, the fear of that happening was gone and they responded by acting out even more.

As sad as that situation is, it is the one clear way we feel God worked through us taking in these kids. We reported the situation to CPS, they investigated, and that foster home got shut down after being a foster home for 15 years. If there had not been an adoption-motivated home to take the kids, they would have remained in that foster home. Now, not only have these kids been removed from that situation, but also the other kids who were there and all future kids who might have been placed there.

Through this, we felt God’s presence on so many occasions. I can’t tell you how many times we got a text or Facebook message from a friend or family member that God had placed us on your heart and you were praying for us. These messages often came when we were at our lowest point. We can’t thank you all enough.

What’s next:

Sesha and I have decided to take a step back from full fostering and adoption for now and just offer respite care. Respite is something we hadn’t even heard of before we started this journey, but we’ve now learned there is a big need for it.

Respite is long-term child care for foster children. When a foster family needs a babysitter, that person has to undergo a background check. But if the family needs a babysitter overnight, or for up to two weeks, they need a family that is officially licensed.

There are many instances a foster family might need respite. For example, foster children often have limitations on leaving the state, but foster parents sometimes need to. Respite care gives them that freedom. Providing respite will give Sesha and I experience with lots of different kiddos while still meeting the need of caring for orphans.

We’ve also decided that I’ll be returning to the airlines. For the past two years, I’ve made several changes to our photo & video company, and it’s now at a point that I can take a reduced role. If I return to the airlines, we’ll be able to live off the income from our company and use my income to pay off debt. Our hope is to be debt-free within four years.

So that’s our story and that’s our plan. But, who knows; these plans may change too. One verse with special significance to us now is Proverbs 16:9, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” We are confident that God will use for good what was intended for evil and that He is in control.